i feel like i've achieved nothing this year. i've only messed things up and been let down. i dont want to leave. i dont want my birthday to come. it feels like im standing grabbing at memories and moments and there just out of reach, moving to fast for me to catch. i feel sick and empty.

today was beaufitul, wandering places i didn't know with people i love but i didnt feel there.
this feeling will go, i've survived worse, i just don't understand why. whats wrong with me?