Today has lacked awesome. I feel lazy, I just want to get out somewhere and do something that dosnt involve being stoned or getting wasted.

I have however re-kindled my love of strawberry's today, I went off them for ages because they were sour, (i have an insane sweet tooth), but had some today and it was like eating summer. I need to eat more fruit, less rubbish. I wish I hadnt eat so much at all today. Im starting an official diet, no weed, I cant handle having the munchies every day. I hate having days when i feel and look bigger and the image that i see in the mirror seems warped, it makes me angry and unhappy.

Im getting my tongue pierced and my hair done and I hope I will feel different. I know its awful but I will feel more myself once dan moves out, he brings me down a lot, he has a very depressing outlook on life that makes me spiral into pointlessness much of the time, I'm finding it harder to have a good time around him when all he talks about is how we shouldnt exist, how humans are worthless and everything would be better if there was nothing, or if he killed himself.

I know he never would kill himself but I have my days when I worry about him. He's smarter than he gives himself credit for and he could do so much more than he will let himself, it frustrates me. Since beign at Uni its given me a different perspective, life has so much more meaning and worth. Why sit and waste it? I cant explain whey were here or wether we should be, maybe we would all be better off never existing at all, its one way of looking at things, but if you have this constant perspective that you are a useless life, disconnected from everything, cut off, how can you ever be happy?

Me and Dan are very opposite, and i have to constantly argue my optamistic perspective of life, trying to convince him that there is value and happiness in existing and that life is not expendable.
Even so, today has not been a good day. Not because of any particular event, worry or fear, but just through my recent lack of sleep and brain use, I'm restless.

I miss Stoke already, I can't talk to anyone down here as much. I've either grown up or become boring?

Right, enough of this silly typing. The rest of my thoughts will have to be ignored for now. I'm going to amuse myself with wandering, I will do something worthwhile today, everyday should be worth something.
I miss you.


"At 3 A.M. these streetlights light the way
But don't illuminate the question in my mind
"Am I going anywhere?"
The things we aspire to change
They just stay the same
The things I aspire to be
Seem to elude me"

Death is not glamorous- Set in stone.