4am and I've found myself not able to sleep, cluthing my pillow, scared, thoughts running through my head, filling me with an odd fear, I'm unsure, lost.
I really dislike sitting alone in the dark, feeling very awake and restless. No lyrics make sense at the moment, i've tried somber, angry and happy music but I can't connect, I can't concentrate, I'm only focoused on this silly little sickness in the middle of my stomach. Its there but I don't understand it, i've been ignoring it these past few weeks but when it comes back its more sickly.
I feel like i've failed, i've failed because I havent tried and I'm going to keep failing every day, more sickness, until I sort myself out. I need a direction, motovation but I see nothing that I want to do, nothing that I can do. I'm just me, I dont think I fit, I don't have a dream or want/need to do anything. The only things that make me happy at the moment are my friends. I'm finding it hard to see a meaning or a purpose. I want to be better, have someone tell me I can do something right, because I honestly don't know if I'm good enough.
You fight monsters under your bed to grow up and fight the ones in your head.
I need to grow up and face myself.