I <3 Dexter.

too much to say. Not enough time right now.

Feeling a bit empty today.
Web based journalsim, first project, create a blog on your passion. Right, cool....or not. Why am i struggling with this so much?
I'm not an in passionate person. I write, read, watch and absorb myself in aspects of most things, but i flicker between fads at such a rate, giving up, finding something new to wizz through for a few hours. Nothing catches my attention for long enough.
I never declare my love for things anymore, or if i do i don't follow them up. I'm often easily pleased, happy in a moment, I don't fully emerge myself into anything.
This is playing on my mind more than it should, its a silly project...
My passions are fleeting. I don't obsess over genres or clothes or stereotypes. I know to little about too many things.

I obsess over people, how they think, how they work, life and death and meaning are always circling my head, trying to understand, swim above life not sink underneath the nonsensical madness of it all. But somehow I don't think that's what my lecturer has in mind...

Moment of self doubt ranted out. No more anxiety. Breathe.

Lets get some mother fucking passion

Snooze.......Snooze......Snooze.......Snooze.....Off....

time 11:36

"Honey this town is a prison, with its four walls closing in
and they got one pill to make you smaller, they one pill to make you scream.
Darling this heart is on fire, and this life is but a dream"


I'm quite happy enjoying the hugs, kiss's, scary stories, cigarettes and gummy snakes of the last few weeks. Its easy, I'm smiling or in hysterics most of the time. Have also been viewing some awesome cinematic productions ^^ haha

I was unsure of my feelings but when I realise I'm waiting up till 3am for a cuddle I realise he makes me happy, and why complicate it more than that?

"smile Jess you look so pretty when you do"

Today is a good day. I've smiled mucho ^^.

I was worried about being original. But its OK. There's no such thing.

I was worried I'd lost my feelings. I genuinely thought I was cursed for a month or two. But its ok, I think I've found them again.

I drink to much coffee.
I used to dose it up with 8 sugars and lovely milk to make it sweet.
Now I like it strong and bitter and out of a huge hot chocolate mug.
Then I buzz around doing everything in a blur, like a hummingbird apparently.
Then I have a cigarette and more coffee. This may be why time pass's very quickly, I don't have time to stop, there's to much to do and to see, yet I always feel like hours/days/months have passed, and I haven't achieved anything. Buzzing on coffee, running, panicking, organising. Maybe I'm just trying to keep up with life, or over take it, before it over takes me, I never can, I wish sometimes it would just stop. And I could breathe.

Haven't blogged since June, phwoar. Not that I've had nothing to say, I've been itching to write, I just haven't, so we won't dwell.

I've always worried about judgement, and when I know I'm being judged I hide myself, I defend myself from the pretences of life, so blogging feels odd to me.

I surprise myself with the things I write, often not thinking and just spilling thoughts I don't realise I have. So lets not take this to seriously.....I, like most, don't understand myself, your opinion of me will probably be more accurate than what any years of my own psycho analysis could conclude, so take what you will, sympathise, destroy, detest, love, which ever takes your fancy. Its all opinion. Valid, and individual.

Ok so....

Check this out - http://www.mediastorm.com/publication/low-morale-creep

Its an awesome video by Laith Bahrani. I found it on MediaStorm, an amazing site put together with the individual work of photo Journalists, most are short films or projects and I would recommend you watch, some are educational, eye opening, most are just bloody interesting. This particular video is a cartoon of a soul less everyday existence. One I personally fear.

Also watch the Marlboro Marine, http://www.mediastorm.com/publication/the-marlboro-marine

"In this parable of the emotional and psychological aftereffects of war, Luis Sinco documents the subtle and devastating ways a man's life can be forever changed":




He was watching the sunrise when the photojournalist snapped the infamous shot which fueled the Iraq war propaganda, he was thinking about dying, about the sunrise being his last. The video shows his journey after returning from the war, struggling with his new perspective on life, and struggling with wanting to end it. Its beautiful work.

Also here's a pretty sweet death cab for cutie cover:



I'm normally a metal/hardcore kind of girl but I do love my slow heartache songs as well. Been listening to them more recently, and I'm a sucker for an acoustic guitar or in this case a bit of piano. Plus the video is black and white, I've always been attracted to black and white imagery, like many I simply find it beautiful.


I realise this post has no real direction or purpose but in most cases direction and purpose are human delusions of self worth so I don't think it really matters does it.